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[giftedthom]

HOKAY, THIS IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

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PART DOS

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

They go down to dinner, Xas refusing to stop at the hotel restaurant, citing far more interesting places in town, with food that has nothing of America in it. Little of the islands, either, but Thom doesn't seem to mind.

Neither of them eat much, and Xas laughs quietly.

"Some habits are difficult to break, and I've been pretending a long time."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Thom smiles. Something about the expression's not very nice.

"I don't pretend. But I don't think anyone's noticed, either."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

Xas considers him, eyebrows faintly raised.

He, too, is smiling, though that expression is rather more pleasant.

"It may be another of those things so many take for granted. And the dead in Milliways are remarkably lifelike. Much moreso than those I've spoken with elsewhere."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

"Elsewhere . . . ?"

He doesn't finish the question: no games.

"It's a habit I picked up in life, actually."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"Heaven, of course. And Hell, too. Though I suppose the dead in Hell are excessively lifelike, in certain respects."

Xas looks at Thom, expression thoughtful.

"Why that particular habit?"

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Thom shrugs. "It came on naturally, with the -- disease. At first I couldn't eat. And then . . . it stopped occurring to me to try.

"I drank, though. Quite a bit, in fact."

He gives Xas a look: this isn't something he's ever told anyone. Not even Alanna.

Although presumably Roger knows.

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"Sobran was like that. Though he was older. Niall, too. And the rest--those that lived to see old age, at least."

Xas' voice is matter-of-fact.

"Did the drinking help?"

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Frankly, "Sometimes."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"At least there was something."

Silence.

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

"Yes. I suppose it . . . was."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

Xas spreads his hands.

"There are things I know very little of. We--I was never mortal."

He still isn't.

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

"Like what?"

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"Illness, death, age--innovation."

Xas shrugs, not quite smiling. Then it disappears entirely.

"Life. Existence is an entirely different question."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Thom looks at him.

"You really want to know what it was like?"

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"I do. It is why I spent time among you--them--even before I had no other choice."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

For a minute or two, Thom doesn't say anything. He pushes his hair out of his eyes, looking thoughtful.

Seriously, "D'you . . . if you want, I can. Show you my life.

"All of it."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

Xas studies him, still and pale as a statue in a churchyard.

"I would be almost content for you merely to tell it."

There is a faint pause, and he draws in a breath.

"Yes."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Thom smiles. "It's not very long, mind."

He reaches out; places one thin hand on Xas' cheek, fingers cool and smooth.

Closes his eyes.




A moment later, without flash or flare, Thom lets his hand fall.

"Interesting, though. Isn't it?"

There's a strange, almost alien expression in his eyes; something Xas has never seen before.

(Or has he, now?)

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"The life of a sparrow is short, as well, but rumor has it He watches all of them fall. How could I do any less?"

Xas watches Thom out of wide blue eyes.

"So that is what it is, then? And--"

He falls silent.

That is what you are.

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

He looks like he doesn't quite know what to say.

At last, "I'm not -- nice."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"No. But neither was Sobran, and I loved him more than well enough."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

Whatever Thom was expecting, that certainly wasn't it; he looks stunned.

"That's. Not. I'm not asking for that."

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"No. But then, you don't have to. And I never said that I was offering."

Xas smiles, body held so very still. If he had wings, the would be furled closed. Tightly closed.

"Only that lack of niceness is little barrier--for me, at least--to affection."

Beat.

"Or to friendship."

[giftedthom.livejournal.com]

"I don't have friends."

Thom says this firmly.

[shall-go-free.livejournal.com]

"I know."

"Neither have I, at least not for a hundred years. You might consider it an experiment?"